1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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