I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
