Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
