So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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