Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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