Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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