that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
