Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
