im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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