is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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