your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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