I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
