Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
