the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
