two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
