I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
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