that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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