it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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