Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
