he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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