a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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