people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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