My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
