is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
