They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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