Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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