I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
