I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
