I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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