Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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