Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
