He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My ATM looks so different sober.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
