FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
