Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Randomize
