Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
pop tarts are not kleenex
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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