I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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