i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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