Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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