he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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