woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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