morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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