I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
