A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
