i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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