She said her name was "party"
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
