Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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