Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Houston, we have a squirter
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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