Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
