New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Is it because I queefed?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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