My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
